things have been going quite well for me. this last few weeks that is..

counting down, i have like 12 more days to my enlistment. my first day as a soldier, and last moments as a civilian for the next 2 plus years.

well. seriously, i don't know how to blog anymore, cause there's really a lot of magnificent things, but no need to put it down in words or let everyone know. as long i keep it in my heart, and in my spirit, matters will be known no matter.

haha. crappy story i'm saying la.

my last race and trg with SAFSA has ended before i even begin my army life, i start to hate alcohol after i got drunk last friday, i begin to have someone to miss, and i think i'm really taking my life to the simplest and live it to the minute. its not about taking advantage of every minute and spending it to do something, rather by living life to the minute, it means appreciating every irreplacable minute of your life, knowing its a miracle to be alive, sinking yourself in the every feeling, sensation, thought that you experience. this is to me, its living life.

view things as it is, there's no need to classify it to be either positive or negative. treat your mind like a mirror, reflecting things as it is. then u realise, so much peaceful things have become. still as water, yet immersing in all that surrounds you.

=) i found my spark.

i think all i need is a training buddy. crazy as me. having as much as me.

who can : drink some alcohol and pretend its water, run 10km the very next day, swim 30 plus laps after that, and at night hit the dance floor with RnB hits.. hahaha.

just kidding. just looking for fun in what i like to do before going into NS la.

and i don't seem to get it what girls i like are thinking on their minds when i ask them out for dinner or some catching up. stupid bitches. =)

so here's the big news: i scored 4 distinctions in all my content subjects. and a B3 for gp.

that's really great for me. i mean, i would never seen myself scoring that, going up on stage to take my result slip with the 4 As on it. no, i really didn't. the feeling's like, i'm in a dream. its a really cool experience. i was shocked, overwhelmed. yeah, but it lasted for a while. hearing my mother's voice over the phone was really a blessing. hearing her expressing her joy on her son's excellent results, to me was the greatest thing i could have heard in a day. at least, she didn't had to worry for a minute then. and my dad too of course. plus my ol' sister. she's really proud of me. i could definitely tell from her sms. yeah.

but right now, at 0013 hours, i feel so down. deep inside me, i feel so un attached to any of my friends. suddenly, its like i have become a stranger to almost everyone i knew. that they will turn their backs on me when they feel like it. its like i have zero support from my friends. so what if i have scored 4 As. so what if my results was good, get a scholarship, get a great paying job, when i have no 2-way relationships with anyone. the result slip is nothing as compared to human realtionships. the thing i treasure most, the thing i yearn for, ain't results or a bright future. its just plain love from my friends. yet, i just don't have it in my life, sad to say.

i can see myself, alone in a apartment 10 years down. living a lonely night with a glass of martini in my hand, me sitting at the window side. then there will be the sounds of a couple walking by. while i look around, and find no one beside me, whom loves me as much as i love her. nope, no one.

that's why when people ask, why not you stop clubbing. "its bad" they say. yeah, becasue i have no friends who will ask me out when they need company. i'm probably the last on their call list. i have none who i know will say yes when i ask for help. nah. i think i will accept the fact that suddenly, all whom i have had called a friend, i can't hardly ever depend on for real help. probably a overstatement on my part, which i really hope to be, but it seems that its just that.

cheers to me. cheers to everyone else i call a friend.

woah.

its been more than a month since i last posted. actually, there's really nothing much to talk about. the only thing that's worth mentioning is the peace i have been finding in myself. after reading a bit of teachings from the buddist texts, i have tried to practise finding the peace in me. by understanding that thoughts of worry, thoughts of anger, of fear, of jealously are merely empty and negative. it does not achieve anything. in fact, it steals away your attention, your focus, when the same power could be channelled to happiness, peace and calmness.

friday's result day, and i hear a lot from my friends. they are worried. they are afriad of taking the paper. but why? there's no way you can escape reality, the exact minute that you are living in. that's a miracle on its own. smile, my friends. be calm and at peace.

letters for my team-mates will be send out soon. i just saw jun hao's post. i guess almost everyone in the team miss those days.

this post will just sum up or describe my krabi, thailand, trip!

so after many many days of planning and internet surfing for cheap hotels and the best airfare, i managed to find Best Western Ban Ao Nang hotel to be very very reasonable, in terms of price and the facilities that they claimed. that's also after reading the reviews by other tourists. and we flew tiger airways. sure, budget airlines do offer the lowest prices available in town, 30 bucks for the each trip. but what makes the fares so expensive, is the aiport taxes! (total cost for airfare is 170 bucks for 2 way)

the group of 3 (me, evonne, rehan) met at the budget terminal on 21st jan at around 6am to catch our 7.05am flight. that's where i actually talked to rehan for the first time. initially, when evonne told me she had a friend who wanted to join us, i was a bit disappointed cause i wanted the trip to be sort of a honey-moon style of holiday with evonne, though she isn't my girlfriend la. but i couldn't say no to her mah, yeah, it ended with 3 of us going to krabi.

rehan isn't that fun or outgoing person and for this kind of trip, he actually bores the whole thing la. no personal agendas against him, but its really quite awkward for me to have a hearty conversation with him. i don't have any idea what he's like.

anyway, our first day at krabi. i made most of the decisions there, like how to go from place to place, or where to have lunch. they 2 have no opinions of their own, so i decided to fuck care and have what i want. we went around looking for dive shops that offer the best price for dives, and we managed to find one that was pretty good: Scuba Addicts. the boss, Tim, offered us 3600 baht for 2 dives at phi phi don, including full equipment. but all 3 of us had some equipment here and there, ended up paying 3300 baht for my 2 dives. that was after 2 hours of walking around the beach town, and talking to like over 10 shops. but most of them offered the same prices already, its just whether they gave us extra perks or not. Tim gave us wing BCDs, which i have been dying to try since my 2nd dive trip, 2 years ago. haha. so yay! then headed back to the hotel room (quite comfy and cosy) to slack.. had a seafood dinner! very very nice, fresh mussels, white snapper, flower crab, tiger prawn.. excellent.

2nd day! woke up just in time to have a 10 minute breakfast,and rushed to get our gear to board our transport to the boats. diving is exciting on its own already, furthermore, i was going to use my rashguard for the first time, and the BCD too! ha. we took a longtail boat to the bigger dive boat in the deeper waters. our dive was to be guided by the divemaster called Ben, and there was a camera guy called simon who actually made a short 20 minute movie of our dive trip for that day. the 1 half hour ride to the dive site was fantastic, good sun, excellent wind conditions, calm waters, and took quite a bit of photos already. 1st dive itself wasn't up to my expectations though. visibility was bad, about 4m. waters were at least warm, but the marine life wasn't there. managed to see a lionfish and jellyfish.. corals.. pretty boring. and i came back to the boat with a slight headache. so that kinda killed my drive for the 2nd dive.

2nd dive itself was better. vis was better, more marine life, where i spotted prawns, seahorses lionfishes, and sea fans. not bad la, but i dived better waters. strange thing is that its supposed to be dive season right now! where everything should be good. but not the case right now. somehow, everyone agrees everything about the world is changing. marine environment the worst. fuck global warming. yeah, back to the dive. quite nice la. overall, 2nd dive was one of the better dives i had so far. but i won't be diving krabi waters anytime soon again. want to go back to malaysian waters : Aur, Tioman, Dayang...

that dive day (2nd day) we came back to land, and went for cheap hawker food. found one location where it was like a very rustic place, and we had one of the best chicken rice, excellent thai chilli. the mango rice topped with coconut sauce was a real killer, perfect to end our meals. we decided to get drunk that night, drinking cheap liquor around there. there was this place called i-bark, where it spelt krabi backwards la. supposedly, that was the only place where people could really dance. but hell no, i went there, it sucked. drinks are also relatively expensive there. so we headed towards an alley filled with pubs. me and evonne got drunk drinking long island tea there ( 2 buckets 500 baht each). so freaking high then. we got crazy and headed back to i-bark 12 50am, where RnB music is supposed to be played at around 1am. bad news is evonne got there, and didn't felt good. i knew she was going to puke but as i was carrying her out, she puked on my leg. haha. that was horrible, but at that time, i was so high, i didn't care. was trying to make her sober by giving her water to drink, but she couldn't do it herself. haha. i made out with her for a while, putting water in my mouth and giving her.. hahaha. but she really "tho" alr. had to cab back to hotel. that was it.

3rd day itself was quite.. i don't know. we wanted to ride around towns in motorbikes. rehan was telling me that riding was like a bicycle. easy. just that you can't squeeze the throttle too much. and i did. i ramed into a car before i even got onto the road. got a few cuts and abrasions, and paid 5500 baht in damages. sigh. after that, me and evonne just pillion-ed on rehan's bike. yes 3 of us on 1 bike. went around, had Macs lunch, then fired pistols at the firing range. quite cool la. was basically slacking around, enjoying the sun at the hotel pool after firing. dinner was at a 220 baht buffet. great food. lots of food! that was good, really good in terms of quality and quantity.

4th day was spent on the seas kayaking. horrible waters, hard to paddle, choppy with all the longtail boats speeding around. but finally got a good tan. =) visited some other beaches, especially the run-down one, but lots of rock climbers go there for the cliffs. AND I SAW A ANG MOH SUN BATHING TOPLESS! could see her fucking tits and brown nipples! yum yum. then kayaked back... slowly... to ao nang. to fly back to singapore!

okay last night was a night to remember and to forget. fate certainly plays you, and if you don't play along, you lose out on the greatest things in life.

almost half of my dragonboat teammates have gone into the army, serving their duty. all of them, all my teammates are excellent people, and i am sure they would come out great among other low-life soldiers in their platoon or company. hope they make it to company's best or at least platoon's best.

well, back from tania and kim's birthday "bash". good food, especially the shepard's pie. yum. but actually, its not really a bash, sort of a gathering. her classmates, ex-classmates from dunman high, cousins, and the other friends like me. played indian poker, "ta" a few drinks i did. but it was nice to help out clearing the mess. me and tania, good friends. just like that, nothing more. she loves kelvin deeply, i think, after she talked to me about it. i don't have anything towards her, and i definitely don't want to court her. no. i'm not a bad guy, to steal tania (if i could even) from kelvin, now kelvin just went into the army.

krabi krabi krabi! going soon. 21st janurary to the 24th. spending this short trip with evonne only, maybe something might happen then? haha. but my main motive to go for this short trip, is just really enjoy sun, dive and take a step back from the urban environment i have lived with for the past year, and of course, the ever heartless concrete jungle.

i just watched borat. its a show to really think about, not just a comedy on its own. think deeper if you can. and you'll realise something, so horrid about people. i need to ask mr tong. haha. still ever so dependent on him.

anyway, i seriously feel i'm floating around now. no focus in what i do. NUm? its not an objective. nor a focus. just nothing in life to look forward too. oh well. i just have to keep looking.

my lower back jaw is now in stiches. blood still slowly oozing out. 5 gauzes drenched in blood.

no, i wasn't in an accident. the extraction of my first wisdom tooth isn't an accident. it happened because my body told it to. so it came out, and my dentist had to extract it.

the experience, ha, so unforgettable. i was damn tensed up in the seat. i clutched the arm rest so tightly, my legs straighted and locked, preparing myself for the injection.

after that, he did it. my dentist pulled it out, stiched up the hole. and here i am, unable to talk much nor eat any hard food. it doesn't hurt that bad as i though it would so far, but maybe it might be a different case tomorrow morning when i wake up. i guess i have to depend on those painkillers!

and i don't know how to approach tania now. do i like her? not really. its just that no other girls that i know comes so close physically to me as a friend, and i might mistake it as a hint for she to like me. but hell, i hardly feel so. on the other hand, i'm trying to forget shiwei, and during the process, i might end up liking tania casue she's my "buffer". not that i'm using her. just so happen its like that. but hey, prinya says we look good together, and errol's been a real support. so why not? then comes the voice at the back of my head, "it can't be. you two don't belong to each other. she's too wild and too open. no security." i nod my head in agreement, and shake those thoughts out of my head.

here comes the pain. ouch. the wound hurts. i can feel the stiches. the thread hurting my gums. but hey, i'm not grumpy. not because of the pain then i become grumpy. i'm still nicey! haha.

=) i believe in karma. absolute belief. i was born again to be nice to people because i was bad to others in my previous life. so yeah, or i might be paying back my dad's debt. heaven knows.

okay. a bottle of jack daniel's for tania's and kim's birthday bash. good enough for a gift? i don't think its cheapo gift leh. not bad.. but i am thinking of a nicer gift. just don't know what to get.