things have been going quite well for me. this last few weeks that is..

counting down, i have like 12 more days to my enlistment. my first day as a soldier, and last moments as a civilian for the next 2 plus years.

well. seriously, i don't know how to blog anymore, cause there's really a lot of magnificent things, but no need to put it down in words or let everyone know. as long i keep it in my heart, and in my spirit, matters will be known no matter.

haha. crappy story i'm saying la.

my last race and trg with SAFSA has ended before i even begin my army life, i start to hate alcohol after i got drunk last friday, i begin to have someone to miss, and i think i'm really taking my life to the simplest and live it to the minute. its not about taking advantage of every minute and spending it to do something, rather by living life to the minute, it means appreciating every irreplacable minute of your life, knowing its a miracle to be alive, sinking yourself in the every feeling, sensation, thought that you experience. this is to me, its living life.

view things as it is, there's no need to classify it to be either positive or negative. treat your mind like a mirror, reflecting things as it is. then u realise, so much peaceful things have become. still as water, yet immersing in all that surrounds you.

=) i found my spark.

i think all i need is a training buddy. crazy as me. having as much as me.

who can : drink some alcohol and pretend its water, run 10km the very next day, swim 30 plus laps after that, and at night hit the dance floor with RnB hits.. hahaha.

just kidding. just looking for fun in what i like to do before going into NS la.

and i don't seem to get it what girls i like are thinking on their minds when i ask them out for dinner or some catching up. stupid bitches. =)

so here's the big news: i scored 4 distinctions in all my content subjects. and a B3 for gp.

that's really great for me. i mean, i would never seen myself scoring that, going up on stage to take my result slip with the 4 As on it. no, i really didn't. the feeling's like, i'm in a dream. its a really cool experience. i was shocked, overwhelmed. yeah, but it lasted for a while. hearing my mother's voice over the phone was really a blessing. hearing her expressing her joy on her son's excellent results, to me was the greatest thing i could have heard in a day. at least, she didn't had to worry for a minute then. and my dad too of course. plus my ol' sister. she's really proud of me. i could definitely tell from her sms. yeah.

but right now, at 0013 hours, i feel so down. deep inside me, i feel so un attached to any of my friends. suddenly, its like i have become a stranger to almost everyone i knew. that they will turn their backs on me when they feel like it. its like i have zero support from my friends. so what if i have scored 4 As. so what if my results was good, get a scholarship, get a great paying job, when i have no 2-way relationships with anyone. the result slip is nothing as compared to human realtionships. the thing i treasure most, the thing i yearn for, ain't results or a bright future. its just plain love from my friends. yet, i just don't have it in my life, sad to say.

i can see myself, alone in a apartment 10 years down. living a lonely night with a glass of martini in my hand, me sitting at the window side. then there will be the sounds of a couple walking by. while i look around, and find no one beside me, whom loves me as much as i love her. nope, no one.

that's why when people ask, why not you stop clubbing. "its bad" they say. yeah, becasue i have no friends who will ask me out when they need company. i'm probably the last on their call list. i have none who i know will say yes when i ask for help. nah. i think i will accept the fact that suddenly, all whom i have had called a friend, i can't hardly ever depend on for real help. probably a overstatement on my part, which i really hope to be, but it seems that its just that.

cheers to me. cheers to everyone else i call a friend.