here they are.

this is the team of nanyang jc dragonboat. the people in black are, of course, my team. the people that i'm proud of rowing with them. the blues are the year 1s, which i have come to respect.

however, there's this very bad feeling inside me right now, as i look at this picture. and it somehow feels that, my year 2 are going to break apart. soon. i don't know why. but this feeling's so overwhelming. i am truly afraid the worst might happen in these 3 weeks. these 3 crucial weeks, leading up to our most important race of all in our careers as NYDB rowers. if something bad happens, the morale drops, rowing will become a pain in the ass. and we will thus lose our chances of clinching medals. as i type this post, i am trying so hard to think of ways to keep my team together. not to say that there are friction within the team now, but we need to be aware that things might go out of hand.

being an introvet most of my life, keeping most matter to myself, suffering alone in silence, i have pondering about my leadership since i became the vice-captain. have i led the this group of 20 men well. or have i failed my job. so many times, i think i've failed them. i let them down, right from the start. maybe there was someone else better in the team that should have been the vice-cap. afterall, i wasn't ready to handle situations when it arose. what do you think, my team? if you're reading this post. have i done a good job? did i serve my purpose?

its only 1 month left. memories from the beginning to the end will remain with me for a long, long time. whether its sad, or cheerful. i will let fate decide. to errol: i think i haven't done my job as a good VC. i have not been a good friend. when you asked me, why i didn't speak up for you, i realised, that no one should trust me. i wasn't good enough to be your man. i learn lessons everyday, and its not the classroom lessons i cherish. its the lessons that being with people like you, yu xiang, zong lin, dickson, kok weng, jia jun, jun xiong, kenneth, jian hao.... and all the rest of the team, that makes my life so much more colourful, and yet, painful. i really hope we could continue to be friends, sharing that trust we used to have.

to my team, thanks for being there when i'm was facing difficult times. thanks for providing me with oppurtunities to learn. Thanks, for being my team.