okay. so that's it. i've taken my first 2 papers of the A levels. now, it didn't felt that bad as i thought it would have. as a matter of fact, i only felt the anxious just before entering the venue. all along, i thought i was calm enough, more than some of my class-mates, who were cramming their heads with SOT notes right down to the last minute. i didn't know how much of that they studied they managed to use.

so the paper today was allright. i did "does modern technology always improve quality of human life?" i actually scanned through all the questions first. i was tempted to do the first one, on discussing the place for charity in the world today. but i realised i haven't got my mind to be nimble enough to link it to world issues to make it stand out. so i took a gamble and went for the more down-to-earth question. so me right... yeah, anyway, i realised there were plenty of others who did the same question as me. so now, its a matter of playing with the bell curve, and i believe my essay would be part of the top 40%, cause i thought i had examples, i had that bit of language and i kinda organised my points. just hope the examiners don't spot my weakness in the first 2 paragraphs, of focusing on the power of media today.

AQ was all right. and it was meaningful. "how free you want to be". man, indeed, a lot of us would disagree with the author that freedom must be given up first. i think a lot of JC students don;t realise the responsibility that they need to have before they can even use freedom in their lives. its just irresponsible behaviour to say "i just want to do what i want" i mean come on. you most probably kill yourself with drugs. no doubt, there are circumstances where we need to be given the right to excersise freedom in some parts of our lives. but we must be responsible. that's it. and the choice we make, we must bear the consequences. stop behaving that they will be someone to back your ass. there isn't in the real world. we must begin to realise that as an entire generation before we can become adults who will improve the entie status quo of singapore. and finally making it a better place to live in.

finally, as i begin to distant myself from her, which i find myself so unwillingly to do so, and painfully at the same time, i begin to understand that we aren't made to be together or whatever sort. i just don't fit her bill, and i realised somehow, she don't fit my bill. kinda different backgrounds. i don't understand her. and i think she doesn't undertstand me too. i think i won't court her again after the As. i'm afraid of another rejection. but i'm also affraid to see her in another guy's arm, then asking myself why i can't be that guy, and where am i not good enough in. really. love hurts. so envious of those who have it.