i came down with a fever 2 nights ago. i was running in the gym, planning to go for a 2 hour run. initially, everything was okay for the first 35 minutes. then i began to feel the tiredness set in, the amout of latic that my leg began to feel. i didn't know what was wrong, as i usually lasted more than 1 hour of continuous running. so i thought, heck, must be my mind, and i continued. but passing the 1 hour 10 barrier, my feet began to feel hot, which i haven't felt before in any of my long runs. i quickly stopped, and went to rest. had the funny feeling in me, the feeling i experienced the last time i fell ill : uncomfortably warm, giddy.. i knew i was going to have a fever then. so i hurried to bathe and went home, had panadols and went to bed.

funny thing was, even when the panadols were supposed to be drowsy, i couldn't get to sleep, a problem i had for the past 2 weeks. that i won't fall asleep before 1am or just wee bit earlier. i didn't know what happened to me anyway. but yeah, just kept tossing and turning. i was frustrated at myself, that i allowed that to happen, that i couldn't change anything. i was powerless with myself. and how stupid is that. my ownself, yet i couldn't do anything. i feel so useless.

then i picked up my phone, and started to sms people. my good guy friends at first. yes, some replied quickly, some took ages. but i realised that i couldn't and didn't want to, have a decent conversation with them. i tried, but i knew it wasn't for me. it was her, i wanted to know where she was, that she was fine, and converse with her. yeah, and i did. i'm a person who would do what i want to do. straightaway, her reply didn't disappoint me. as in, the fact is she replied in the middle of the night. but she was outside anyway, studying at the airport. yeah. but the messenges sent later, i felt, it was so hard on my part to be any thing that would identify with her. i don't have artistic talents, nor do i party hard, nor do i great friends who study late at night with her, i'm not crazy and fun-loving ; she don't workout much, she don't like running or she don't swim much, she's never into triathlons or dragonboat, she's not really interested in doing scuba diving... i don't know. that's what she and i are, after all those months. but i still like her no matter.

shit. i really have no idea. if i continue to wait on, i'm the one who suffers, not that she will even give a damn or she knows, but i choose to give up, i really will get emotional all over again, and look for quick alternatives to keep me away from thinking about her ( which will actually mean, i might be a bit desperate but not much ). any advice??

people have been saying i'm kinda emotional. that its funny for a guy to be that way. really? i think i deserve a right to be. can't you people just break out of sterotyping people, and for once, before you make any comments, think again, and ask whether what you want to say is fair.