it takes me an hour or so to fall asleep when i hit my bed. could it be insomia acting, or just playful thoughts of my mind that keep going even when i try not to think so.
fark. i don't know what's going with me. i feel so empty.
this girl, whom i danced with on friday called me a desperate, which i found out from huisin, who found out from junxiong, who found out from kannan, who found out from gary, who found out from his girlfriend, who was with the girl that i danced with. i mean, come on bitch, u danced with me willingly and u still call a desperate? if you don't like desperates, then don't dance with them! and by the way, i'm not a desperate. you see, girls dancing with girls and perfectly fine. but if you see a guy dancing with another guy, that's off! OFF! you can't blame us for finding girls to dance with right? again, what a bitch.
yeah. its 15 days left, and 32 to the end. mug hard, asshole. stop thinking about having fun.
i feel so random now. someone come pick me up by the hand, and bring me to peace with myself. i lost touch with it. money's become the issue in the family. i sense the hard times that my dad's facing right now. that the shrinking income, and burgeoning expenses, i just feel so love/hate for my dad. one, he's my dad, and i really appreciate and love him, for all that he has given me : independence, self-reflection, maturity and money. yet, he pissess me off everytime we reach a unsolvable topic, like sense of openess... crap. but i just want to help him. i can't help it but to spend the money that has been given to me, or grab some fast cash from his wallet when i run out of mine. i wonder why has life played around our lives, this family. as much as i hate to admit it, its karma. really. dad's a stubborn man, who was offended many, done a lot of petty stuff, unwillingness to be generous. what comes around, goes around.
and that's why i will never be like him. i'm a person whose compassion, self-reflection, thought, liberalism, maturity exceeds anyone in the family. i want to bring about change to myself. i believe in idealism, instead of practically in tangible-loving singapore. yet, i don't think believing in idealism to the extent of compromising my career or anything that gives me financial ability will be wise too. people don't become like me if they continue to live in their stupid frog wells, and don't realise that singapore is just pathetic place. no real beliefs. as a matter of fact, i doubt there will 10% of singaporean males who are willing to give their lives up for singapore. instead, they will run and hide, those bastards, at the sight of troubled times. war comes, i will stand to fight. will you?
shi wei. its the first time i mentioned her name on my blig. really, i can't bring myself to forget the feelings i have for you. i'm just numbing myself. we might be "good friends" as you say, but i know its just so superficial. you would never allow me to enter your crcle of trust, or even your life. i'm still stucked outside after those months of waiting for you. you're like that, i don't know whether to love you for that, or hate your guts.
i get so moody sometimes. and it swings. love me, hate me. what will you readers choose? and you know what, even though when i hear your choice, i will say that its your choice not mine? somehow, somewhere inside me, i'll still give damn about your choice, just that consciously i try not to. how paradoxical. i'm an emotional man.
fark. i don't know what's going with me. i feel so empty.
this girl, whom i danced with on friday called me a desperate, which i found out from huisin, who found out from junxiong, who found out from kannan, who found out from gary, who found out from his girlfriend, who was with the girl that i danced with. i mean, come on bitch, u danced with me willingly and u still call a desperate? if you don't like desperates, then don't dance with them! and by the way, i'm not a desperate. you see, girls dancing with girls and perfectly fine. but if you see a guy dancing with another guy, that's off! OFF! you can't blame us for finding girls to dance with right? again, what a bitch.
yeah. its 15 days left, and 32 to the end. mug hard, asshole. stop thinking about having fun.
i feel so random now. someone come pick me up by the hand, and bring me to peace with myself. i lost touch with it. money's become the issue in the family. i sense the hard times that my dad's facing right now. that the shrinking income, and burgeoning expenses, i just feel so love/hate for my dad. one, he's my dad, and i really appreciate and love him, for all that he has given me : independence, self-reflection, maturity and money. yet, he pissess me off everytime we reach a unsolvable topic, like sense of openess... crap. but i just want to help him. i can't help it but to spend the money that has been given to me, or grab some fast cash from his wallet when i run out of mine. i wonder why has life played around our lives, this family. as much as i hate to admit it, its karma. really. dad's a stubborn man, who was offended many, done a lot of petty stuff, unwillingness to be generous. what comes around, goes around.
and that's why i will never be like him. i'm a person whose compassion, self-reflection, thought, liberalism, maturity exceeds anyone in the family. i want to bring about change to myself. i believe in idealism, instead of practically in tangible-loving singapore. yet, i don't think believing in idealism to the extent of compromising my career or anything that gives me financial ability will be wise too. people don't become like me if they continue to live in their stupid frog wells, and don't realise that singapore is just pathetic place. no real beliefs. as a matter of fact, i doubt there will 10% of singaporean males who are willing to give their lives up for singapore. instead, they will run and hide, those bastards, at the sight of troubled times. war comes, i will stand to fight. will you?
shi wei. its the first time i mentioned her name on my blig. really, i can't bring myself to forget the feelings i have for you. i'm just numbing myself. we might be "good friends" as you say, but i know its just so superficial. you would never allow me to enter your crcle of trust, or even your life. i'm still stucked outside after those months of waiting for you. you're like that, i don't know whether to love you for that, or hate your guts.
i get so moody sometimes. and it swings. love me, hate me. what will you readers choose? and you know what, even though when i hear your choice, i will say that its your choice not mine? somehow, somewhere inside me, i'll still give damn about your choice, just that consciously i try not to. how paradoxical. i'm an emotional man.
posted by swensen-s- at 8:42 AM
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