we win?

the most painful part of today's rowing when we were doing a race set from the middle of the kallang basin, to the zero metre mark. as usual, 30 starts, followed by the maintenence strokes. somewhere in between my maintenence strokes, my head suddenly felt like splitting apart. it was like, having some spasm of some sort. it felt like a heart, pumping and pumping. it was terrible. really terrible. but i didn't know what to do, i kept rowing.... and the pain just built up. i couldn't take it anymore when i reached the last charge. i just stopped and grabed my head in pain. everyone around me was suddenly taken aback by what i did. i just didn't know what to do, sitting there grabbing my head. after that, the pain slowly subsided, but i felt damn numb all over. i went to cox.

i think everyone's freaking worried about our performance so far. not satisfactory at all. i hope things turn for the better after what zonglin said to us. i have to keep going. keep going. keep going. i don't want to disappoint myself. but, i think i almost reached my level of emotional control. probably going to break down and cry soon. i suddenly feel so alone.