okay. i lied to someone today. i didn't had to do that actually. i could have just told him the honest truth, but i didn't. lying seemed so much easier to do at that instance. but it turned out different. its difficult to maintain. and it guilts me. lesson learned : honesty is better. it may hurt at first, but it would turn out better. definitely.

been spendin quite a bit lately. though i know, i don't buy 60 dollar polo tees, or 80 dollar paul smith belts, or some 120 dollar jeans, i still can't bear to take that sum of money out to buy things that i like. yes, i do not need it. but it sucks not buying. family's not in a good monetary situation now, so until my clients start coming in, i don't think i will ever spend an extra 200 more of clothes.

now, i'm looking at my younger brother strumming his guitar to some tune that the guns and roses played. he seems pretty good at it, but he plays whats he's good at, and not trying to improve his mistakes. that's bad, but i don't know how to put it to him. a kid now at his puberty stage, i don't think he can take that positively.

my 18's coming too. yippie. but then, i've been trying to play myself down. keep telling myself, its not important at all. doesn't mean anything much. just more responsibilities. but deep down, there's this stupid voice that continuously whisper "yeah man, time to be selfish, demand for more money to spend." haha. but if i got only 1 wish, i want everyone around me to be really happy. just plain happy, even if it means sacrificing my own happiness. yepp. =) i think i've grown up.