we win?

the most painful part of today's rowing when we were doing a race set from the middle of the kallang basin, to the zero metre mark. as usual, 30 starts, followed by the maintenence strokes. somewhere in between my maintenence strokes, my head suddenly felt like splitting apart. it was like, having some spasm of some sort. it felt like a heart, pumping and pumping. it was terrible. really terrible. but i didn't know what to do, i kept rowing.... and the pain just built up. i couldn't take it anymore when i reached the last charge. i just stopped and grabed my head in pain. everyone around me was suddenly taken aback by what i did. i just didn't know what to do, sitting there grabbing my head. after that, the pain slowly subsided, but i felt damn numb all over. i went to cox.

i think everyone's freaking worried about our performance so far. not satisfactory at all. i hope things turn for the better after what zonglin said to us. i have to keep going. keep going. keep going. i don't want to disappoint myself. but, i think i almost reached my level of emotional control. probably going to break down and cry soon. i suddenly feel so alone.

one of the nicest days...

hmm. maybe i should start from how sunday turned out.

training was as usual in the morning. arrived at SDBA, and somehow began to run with dicky. as we ran, we were talking about some heartfelt matters, and when was he going to pop the question. ha. and i told him my problems and that i was actually FINALLY going out with her later in the day. we probably took around 15 minutes to complete the run. It turned out later, there wasn't enough canoes for the entire year 2 guys team. jun xiong and i backed out, and decided to go with the year 1s in the dragonboat. i rowed behind, while jun xiong was drumming. the year 1s were not bad, but they were way too rushy in their maintenence strokes. jun xiong tried to pace for them, but things didn't work out as the other pacer couldn't syncronise with him. wth la. during the rowing time, i was trying to coach dexter in his strokes. he's not bad for a starter. just that, he leans out too much, using more biceps than his lats. i suppose he will improve with the future trainings la. at the end, i rushed home with jun xiong as i had an appoinment with my hairdresser. haha. damn the weather, it was pouring when i was walking to the place.

i wanted to get some colour in my hair, as i thought it would be kind of fun. hey, its the holidays. why not?! she chose choco brown for me(its not dark choco, kind of near blond already), and i asked her to give me an outrageous cut for my layer. it sloped from left to right, and the right part was the longest, and of course coloured to give it a contrast. 1 hour and 20 minutes later, i was pretty satisfied with my new colour and cut. haha. i just don't know how people will react to it. actually, some reason of having such a outrageous colour and cut, was because of her la. wanted to like, give her a new impression or something. WE WERE FINALLY GOING OUT. haha. yeah. i know i'm probably over-reacting towards this matter, but i don't care. during my time at uno(the salon), was talking to my hairdresser for tips on this kind of dates... ha. she's such a nice lady, telling me some quite important tips.

in the first place, the movie was "she's the man". however, it didn't had any evening time slots. i personally liked eveing slots, but i didn't know what she wanted. concidentally, she also preferred evening slots too! :) haha. in the end, we booked x-men. i felt kind of bad, letting her watch the show twice, though she insisted that she was okay with it since the show was super nice. i went back to uno to have my hair styled then went down to PS to wait for her.

after that, things just went on naturally(i'm not going to describe it. too lazy to do so).. nothing special about the whole thing really. but it was quite special for me.. really talking to her so upclose.. haha. we walked from Ps to orchard after the show, but it felt damn fast. i don't know whether we walked fast or just that all that talking made it seem so short. sent her home after that... and yepp, that's probably the end of it.

i haven't had time to upload my picts taken at my hairdresser's. maybe next time.

whoopies!

something nice happened today! haha. let me begin from the start of the story...

i was going for my usual physics tuition at bishan at around 5pm. was in my parents' car, nearing the destination when chong jin(my classmate) called me. in a muffled voice, and noisy surroundings, he somehow told me that tuition might be cancelled, then telling me guo ming(another classmate) was there already but tuition cancelled. i didn't know what to do, so i just replied, "orh orh. go there then see." he called me again a few minutes later, confirming tuition was indeed cancelled. the reason was becasue the tutor left the place's keys in his friend's car. so he couldn't hold the lesson, thus cancelling it. i was like, WTH! why so last minute. but we had no choice, so i headed back to j8. without telling my parents. haha. met up with CJ and friends, but they left for home so soon. Cj and i felt damn bored, and i went looking at T-shirts from SnK and man studio. during this time, i was msging her, and she told me she was doing some cip work somewhere near bugis. without thinking, i told her i'd come down to meet her for a short while. with Cj of course. i couldn't go alone, i would be so embarrassed in front of her friends. in the end, i got myself a cool t-shirt from ma studio at 29 dollars. reasonable price ba. changed into the t-shirt i just bought (cause i wearing a long sleeve shirt folded up, HOT), and took the train down to bugis.

to be honest, i didn't know where she was exactly at. Cj and i walked around bugis and national lib. then suddenly, Cj said he had to leave to meet some friends for a birthday celebration. damn it, i thought. how i was supposed to see her now.... no choice, we walked back to the station and he left. i didn't want to leave yet, cause i was hoping i could still meet her. i was just stoning inside the station, sms-ing her. she was walking to bugis and having dinner with her friends, and i couldn't possibly join them. its just out of place. but in the end, guess what. she's so nice. she came to meet me alone, and we kind of walked around bugis for a short short while, and i send her back to pasta mania. though its just for a brief moment, i was damn happy already!

haha. i'm going to have my hair coloured a bit. maybe just having a few coloured streaks. nothing fancy. haha. and the best thing is, we are going out! haha. i hope nothing happens though. we are most catching some crap show, called "she's the man" about some girl who disguises herself as guy to play soccer. some worldcup movie la. but got no choice, as she's watched all 3 shows i wanna watch. too bad for me. but as long its with her, haha. i don't mind la.

anyway. training today was not really good. the boat my team was in, had a lot of resistence, and it couldn't be lifted up. we ended up going super slow compared to the other boats. i couldn't row hard for maintenence. my strength was gone, and i was just trying to keeep my form. but things were brighter once i had my break. i could row better, and things were better when we switched boats. WE FLEW! haha. tml's canoeing. trying to tell myself to do hard sets tml.

i'm going for my best!

i am stretched both sides.

today. or rather just 2 days ago. i was faced with a difficult choice.

if i have to make a choice to place someone in a wekaer boat, not because he is not strong enough, but he's essential to the boat. but i would have to hurt this team mate's feelings and pride.

or i become a good team mate and friend, by changing his place with another person but by doing so, compromising the stronger boat, and therefore causing a liabilty to the stronger boat with a higher chance of winning.

and today, i was made to make a choice. on the bus, i was just coming up with ideas and methods to overcome this situation. but no matter how hard i try, the solutions just caused more problems.

in the end, i made a few changes to the boats' arrangement, and i was kind of prepared to take responsibilty if anything went wrong. Or was i? i was caught off guard when mr lee arrived, which he wasn't supposed to until like halfway through the rowing, by when i would switched the changes back. but he came still, and i was beginning to get quite worried. what if he realised that changes were made without his knowledge. what if he ask the team questions that only i have the answers.

fortunately, he just managed to spot a few changes and everything went on fine. but, i knew i shouldn't keep him in the dark and i told him what i honestly felt and what i did to the arrangements. i'm glad he understood my intentions, but sort of not pleased with my decision.
rowing went on.... and my form sucked. worse, miss lim was on shore filming the rowing process. damn. i'm going to criticsed by mr lee again. ugh.


how many times i wanted to tell her that i really liked her. but even with that fire burning inside me, each passing day growing larger to consume me totally, it had to be caged. there's no way i could just tell her that. its not right. what can she say if i really did. we're not even close or good friends.... tries to get to know her better failed miserably. i wished i could have a chance, to get to know her really well. become more personal.

and guess what. i'm 65 kg now. i gained 2 kg. i don't know whether i should be glad or feel bad.

here they are.

this is the team of nanyang jc dragonboat. the people in black are, of course, my team. the people that i'm proud of rowing with them. the blues are the year 1s, which i have come to respect.

however, there's this very bad feeling inside me right now, as i look at this picture. and it somehow feels that, my year 2 are going to break apart. soon. i don't know why. but this feeling's so overwhelming. i am truly afraid the worst might happen in these 3 weeks. these 3 crucial weeks, leading up to our most important race of all in our careers as NYDB rowers. if something bad happens, the morale drops, rowing will become a pain in the ass. and we will thus lose our chances of clinching medals. as i type this post, i am trying so hard to think of ways to keep my team together. not to say that there are friction within the team now, but we need to be aware that things might go out of hand.

being an introvet most of my life, keeping most matter to myself, suffering alone in silence, i have pondering about my leadership since i became the vice-captain. have i led the this group of 20 men well. or have i failed my job. so many times, i think i've failed them. i let them down, right from the start. maybe there was someone else better in the team that should have been the vice-cap. afterall, i wasn't ready to handle situations when it arose. what do you think, my team? if you're reading this post. have i done a good job? did i serve my purpose?

its only 1 month left. memories from the beginning to the end will remain with me for a long, long time. whether its sad, or cheerful. i will let fate decide. to errol: i think i haven't done my job as a good VC. i have not been a good friend. when you asked me, why i didn't speak up for you, i realised, that no one should trust me. i wasn't good enough to be your man. i learn lessons everyday, and its not the classroom lessons i cherish. its the lessons that being with people like you, yu xiang, zong lin, dickson, kok weng, jia jun, jun xiong, kenneth, jian hao.... and all the rest of the team, that makes my life so much more colourful, and yet, painful. i really hope we could continue to be friends, sharing that trust we used to have.

to my team, thanks for being there when i'm was facing difficult times. thanks for providing me with oppurtunities to learn. Thanks, for being my team.

again.

i've been brought to the heavens, and slammed back down to earth. tha's how i feel right now.

i guess, that probably's the last time i'm asking her out. i don't think i could take another blow the next time. if it happens again....

college day was just boring. awards just being given out. and none is mine. i guess being in a sport that requires everyone of us to do the same thing, means not having a chance to get on stage. even dance people can get awards. what the hell.

training tml is going to hiong. probably doing 500m race sets the whole 2 hours. hope my form can be maintained.

numbed.

yay.

i'm glad today. i did well.

A for chin-ups(normal)
A for sit-ups(normal)
A for 2.4(normal but i maintain my PB of 9 min 15 sec)
A for shuttle run(finally, i hit below 10s. i never done it before)
A for sit&reach(50 plus cm, normal)
C for broad jump (234cm. its good enough for me. i normally jump only 220 plus)

yay! haha.

my 2.4 is quite a story to tell. it was my last item of the day. and i was beginning to get worried that i would do bad. but it turned out good! my average BPM was 189. my max BPM was 204. i know it sound crazily fast. i don't know why its so fast too. but that's what my heart rate watch tells me. it has always been giving me high readings when i'm running, but i count around 18 beats in 6 seconds during my 30 min runs last week.it totals up to around 180 BPM. and the heart rate watch reads 60-70 when i'm at rest. i guess its okay. so why is my BPM so high?! haha. maybe its just me. i'm disfunctional.

row, row, row my boat.

is it possible for me to train 2 weeks continuously? i don't think i could. i'm already feeling the fatigue inside me, and the muscles are beginning to feel... tired. and tml's nafpa. haha. i don't think i can do my best for the 2.4. well, we will see how it goes. i'm targeting a 189 BPM for my heart rate each round, probably 1min 32 seconds per round. that will add up to 9 minutes 12 seconds if i'm not wrong. that's my target for tml.

today was the volleyball girl's finals. the entire year 2s went there to cheer the volleyball girls team on, quite a pretty sight i would say. its only on such occasions that i see the spirit of nyjcians, all cheering loudly and being more excited about the game than the players. yeah, i don't really want to talk about the match, cause i think its going to bore me to death typing out the post. the dragonboat team left halfway, to go train. sui sui, no 24 men boat available for the year 2 guys, and we had to take 2 small ones. i hate small boats. they can't go as fast as the 24 men. my form today sucked too. i can't even pull fast enough for my starts. sheesh. maybe i ain't strong and fit enough yet. hai. my lats hurt even after taking creatine and NITRIX. seems that i'm not having enough rest to recover fully. point to self: have a rest day SOON.

i liked today. cause i got to see her. haha. i think my HR hit 180. it made me happy, and kind of made my day. :)

no where in sight.

today's yet another day. a day for notes, tutorials, tests, and most importantly, a day for training my useless body.

i brought my sister's camera to school today. i actually wanted to take photos of myself doing the kayakpro. ha. yes, it sounds dumb. but i need to know how i looked when i'm doing it, and how my starting stroke looked too. turns out, i'm still fine. my stroke have the BIG C as instructed by my coach-pe teacher-teacher ic-advisor-buddy. during the afternoon break, i did my triceps and a bit rowing on the kayakpro. i skipped GP lecture, so that i could have my lunch as i needed to wait for at least half an hour after taking my NITRIX and creatine.

here's a picture of the kayakpro. the cold, mean looking, machine.

yes, its only for boaters.

had my maths test. and i actually knew roughly what were the questions were, by courtesy of cindy, my nice, yet ugly "sister". haha. yes sis. i know i'm FUGLY. haha. the complex number question looked very intimidating, but it could be done easily. what i felt was more challenging was the numerical method question. if i hadn't prepared the graph before hand, i know i would be stuck drawing the curve. this paper set to fail us then?! not really. just to slaughter off those whom did not study for it. i did my preparation, and i thought it was pretty okay. i could pass.

went back to the gym after maths. i went on to do my shoulders. ha. i am trying to make it become broader. its too narrow for me. no one would believe me if i told them i was a triathlete cause the shoulders don't say so. speaking of triathletes, i have been thinking what will i do after stepping down from dragonboat. and hui sin agrees with me, that we will go back to aerobic activities, which means more long distance running, swimming, and for me, cycling if i can find a road bike. that's because my fitness goals have always been to improve my triathlon disciplines. and endurance activites is what i do best. i guess my body was build to be that way. yepp. but for now, i'd still concentrate on my dragonboat, and working hard to win the medals at national schools. back to the gym, mr lee and i went to do some minor adjustments to the kayakpro. now its okay, and ready for us to clock our best 1km set. i tried to do 1 minute, attempting to hit 350m. i did it, but it left my gasping for air. imagine i have to do 3 minutes of that intensity so i can hit 1km. crazy.

napfa's this thursday. i'm both excited and afraid. cause this time, a new chance to beat my personal best 2.4 timing of 9min15sec. afraid as i could score a silver if i didn't jump far enough. wish me luck.



so this is me. with the big C paddles up position. to those juniors whose stroke is still quite bad, this is how u twist forward and begin your stroke. notice that my shoulder blades are facing you. and the paddle angle is positive. high punching arm. slightly bent punching arm. almost straight rowing arm.


here's the smaller picture. notice all the same things i said above. except that black lady standing beside me.

depleted of life.

everytime i row, it seems to be battle with my ownself. i have to fight my own war, have to survive my own attacks. yet, lick my own wounds. my body would scream at me, telling me to stop. stop rowing, slack off, i'm tired, too much latic. i can feel it. its too much to take when i'm conscious. what i try to, is to keep telling myself in my head, keep going, keep going, row harder, i'm strong. today, i think i've become better. the mind took over the body when i was halfway through the 1km race set. the mind told the muscles to keep going, yet pain kept coming back. it was an on-going battle. the emerged victor? me.

today's training was probably the start of future similar trainings. we will do race sets along the breakwater path. how much we race, will depend on mr lee, how much he thinks we can take the pain. tml's canoeing again. shoulders will scream for rest. people will capsize. i will watch how the year2 girls row with the juniors. AGAIN.

my life has been really sucked out of me. i've nothing to hang onto. no wall of resistence for my to kick, or lean against when i'm tired. my standard-bearer falls. train, study, train, study, train, study, train, study, train, study.............. no special someone.

vesak day.

its quite the norm for the media to focus on some subject matter of any special holiday, such as christmas, vesak day, hari raya... for example, during the period of christmas, the media tends to be very christanity. look at the papers and its content regarding christmas : a lot of articles on how jesus gets rebirthed into the world, how christanity brings hope to the world. today, if you have read the papers, talks alot on how buddhism can help you alleivate stress, bring about peace and help the world. but please, do not get me wrong. i have nothing against these two religons and i'm a buddhist in fact. but it just seems so facet that only on these days that such values are propagated in society. however, being a private company, the straits times do have a business to carry out and it seems that only by publishing such articles during these periods that viewership will be increased. no doubt, they may use the excuse of creating awareness of the occasion or even the values of holiday itself. i doubt that the majority of people in this country will ever give a damn about such things. they will treat any of these as just another day to slack off work, or give themselves a day to catch up with whatever they have lost out on during their normal working days. you might argue that this case isn't true, and that there are a lot of singaporeans whom take this occasions seriously, going to the institutes of prayer. no doubt, there will be quite a number of people who do so and it has been made known to all through the sights and sounds of the media itself. yet, the more important matter on hand, is how to allow such values that the religions propagate to be more significant in today's world. then the world would be a bette place to live in.


back to my personal life(boring part), i have nothing to do on this day really. while i have been attempting to study, i took some time off to write this post, using quite a bit of my brain cells for the above part. currently, i'm doing the GP compre for later's tuition with mr tong. before that, i'm going for physics, and if i'm not wrong, mr chow might run a test on fluids with the group. i think the equations and statements are still quite fresh in my mind, giving that i just had my lecture test. so yeah. its raining now, and justin's at pulau ubin?! ha. i hope he doesn't get drenched. i hope she don't too, if she's not at home. if its of any consolation to myself, we msged each other for the whole night. with a interval of around 20 minutes between each sms. ha. i think i'm going to be okay. but its not going to anytime soon, before i can ask her out again. she says she will be very busy. what to do. :( well, lost was quite nice last night. not bad i can't watch volcano high tonight. got training on saturday morning. mr lee's focus is going to be on my boat. so i have to rest well.

i'm carrying on my work now. just wondering where's my glass of chilled vodka(40%) with lime.

disappointed.

as you can tell from the title of this post, i'm feeling rather down now. the time on my click reads almost 9pm.... i'm supposed to be finishing the show with her right now. but, something happened and we didn't go out at all. hai. i'm rather disappointed ba. i think its a sure thing to be feel this way. well i'm trying hard now not to think about it, rather thinking about what to do on vesak day tml.

should be attempting to finish the compre passage i'm supposed to do 2 weeks ago. haha. must do tml otherwise the GP lesson in the night might go to waste. need to read up my ideal gases too. physics tuition in the afternoon. haha. going to see chong jin again. i can't believe i scored pretty well for the phy lecture test. didn't expect it when i say my marks. i figured i would just pass lo. well, i guess that's some good news right. i don't know ba, still feel quite numb inside me. maybe i'm just too emotional for something so small. i guess that leaves my morning to finish my homework.

i'm going to skip mrs tay mass tutorial on saturday. it clashed with my training. as i said before, studies now come seconday. my training is primary. too bad for me? haha. i hope training will then be productive if i'm going to miss lessons.

i'm finally going to take my napfa next week. mr loo is such a nice man. can reason with him, not like the other PE teachers. anyway, i think i can make my 2.4 hit 9.15 or lesser. my stamina and speed haven't dropped much, so its possible. the only 2 i fret is my stading broad jump and shuttle run. i just don't have the explosive power in my legs. i wish i could be better in both items. so for PE today, i went to do strength training programme by mr lee. its quite tough, having to do max weight for 4 sets of 2 reps then exploding for 60 strokes on the kayakpro and ergo machine. in the afternoon then, when i was supposed to rush home, i went to the gym and worked out abit. did on my chest, shoulders, trapz. after that, me and jun xiong was walking to the interchange, when i found out she came to school in the afternoon and was still there. i guess we don't have the fate to meet. its probably a sign that she and i will not exist together.

D&D 2006 is probably going to be boring. but still, i would want to go, cause i want to experience what's prom. i haven't gone for any of these events at all. even if it means paying $110 and spending another 200 bucks on clothes and other stuff. wished that dragonboat people would have enough to form a table.

well, i don't know what to do now. probably just do a few readings and watch LOST, which i've been missing for the past 3 weeks. yeah.

would someone fall for me, boring and unattractive? i think not.

tired tired tired.

i didn't blog yesterday. not because i was too tired to do so. but it was due to some problems with the internet. it became so damn slow. then i decided not to do it.

well to start off, tuesday was quite eventful for me. firstly, the night before, i asked her out. haha. yes, i finally plucked up my guts to ask her out. for a simple show. i know its really really quite boring to ask her for this kind of thing, but i'm such a dumb person at this things. i'm not pulling your leg. and after i smsed her to ask he rout, i started to feel dumb about how i asked her out. ugh. but she still said she's okay with it, so we are going to catch POSEIDON this thurs evening. during tuesday afternoon, during my hour break, i headed to the gym with my new NUTRIFIRST singlet which i got for free. the design's kind of cool. a big bar-code right in front. yepp. i was teaching some year 1 girls the correct technique. it's because i thini they were rowing wrongly all the time when i was behind them during sunday's training. they managed to correct their stroke fast enough, but rowing the kayakpro and rowing dragonboat is abit different, with reference to the hardness of the water. while they were rowing then, i was doing my weighted chin-ups, 3 big shot putt balls in a bag. could managed to do 2 sets of 8. then i reduced it to 2 big balls and do 2 sets of 10. lastly, without weights.i felt so much lighter after that. haha.

training in the evening began on a bad note for me. this was what happened. i told my juniors to shift all the weights placed outside the basketball court to the gallery as it was going to rain soon. then i went to the gallery first to place the incline pull-up bars in place. i tried to practice the parrallel bars then suddenly, mr singh (fark his name la) just blourted out "stop. you're not supposed to use that way. you're going to spoil the elasticity of the band and the pin too!" i was like huh? i wasn't even touching the band la! then i thought there was misunderstanding and i explained to him that we weren't going to touch the bands. he just cut me off and told me NO NO NO. by this time, i was getting pissed, and i told him Mr lee say use this bars. another PE teacher behind me, Ms Yap, then came in and say NO NO NO, i will tell him cannot use. i still argued that mr lee allowed it and he's a PE teacher too. still they wouldn't listen. me, being so pissed, just walked off, and i went to find mr lee. he, too was puzzled at what i told him that the PE teachers say can't use. in the end, the other PE teachers over-powered his reason, with the most STUPID reason that the band will spoil, the pin will come off and so can't use. i mean, if spoil, get a new one la! not as if it cost 4000 bucks for the band (which looks like a shoelace in fact) or the pin. they can all go to hell.

anyway, we still managed to get training on track. we spilt into 2 groups, 1 doing interval training first, and the other endurance sets (when we whack weights for continuous 60s for 2 sets). i started with the endurance, and it almost had me killed. really. super SIONG! then after weights training, came fartlek. wah. i tell you, the training was really hiong. then, i forgot to take my creatine. which means, i wasn't going to recover fast enough for today's rowing.

today rowing? quite intense i will say. keep doing race sets. really tough. we were already so tired from the training yesterday, and now we had to do race sets. our 1st set already sucked. needless to say the rest. but i would still say the year2 boat was still good. not bad. but its not our best, and confirm confirm, we can hit better timings next time.

i need to study now. i'll find time to blog on friday. watch out for it!

gym.

today was FUN! haha. it was kind of a new beginning for me. cause i finally went back to the gym, my second home. i missed it, the weights, the people. yepp. just that the air in that was quite dry, and it hurt my throat. anyway. i went to do my shoulders, and lower back.

exercises did : front shoulder press, back shoulder press, upright row, clean and jerk, T-bar row.
the weightage not that bad, around 90% of my max before i fell sick. so i think its good!

after school went to watch mission impossible 3 with justin and wee beng. the show was good! do go catch it. its worth my 7 dollars. the storyline however, i feel, isn't much related to the theme MISSION IMPOSSIBLE. which part was the impossible part? haha. maybe it was the entire show. i couldn't catch it. but the sequences were good. so good that my palms were kind of sweating already. so were justin's. ha. the show just grips you.

too bad. i still coughing abit. it just won't go away. damn it. GO AWAY! ugh. oh yeah. had my econs essay test today. was pretty okay. normal. didn't complete the essay. as usual. hope she did better than me. finally waved to say hi to her in the morning when she walked by the pull-up bar. haha. i feel so dumb. okays. its time i really go study now. i need to complete my thermodynamics and read on econs again for the case study question tml. LAND TRAINING TML! CHIONG AH!

7th may part 2.

finished my run. but this time is around 6 minutes shorter than my run on friday night. clocked 25 minutes 18 seconds. not that i slack off the rest. i went to do interval training. abit only. HA. but i forgive myself. legs already feeling the latic acid accumlating. need to rest them. but the feeling's GREAT! really. i feel so much happier now.

BUT, the econs lect test tml sure brings down the mood. i thought it was on wednesday la! so i could study on tuesday night. but now, it looks like i have to chiong government policies and economic problems. so much to study. i think i'm going to do badly for it. just try my best anyway. that's how i survive my own life.

good luck to me! ha.

7th may.

perhaps this blog ain't nothing like a place where issues are discussed and argued. rather this is a place where i keep my memories of things happening around me. i can't possibly remember each passing day with much detail anymore. so if you're looking for something quite intellectual, i suggest you do not continue reading this blog. thanks.

today is the 2nd rowing session since i joined back training. run to sheares bridge was pretty fine, i could keep my form, breathing patterns were regular, stride was okay. muscles didn't feel worn out. i guess that means i'm okay for short distances around 3km? hitting a timing for around 14-15 minutes. i say that's pretty okay for a person who is still recovering from a cough.
row row row. still not as good as before, but its marked improvement from yesterday rowing session, where my frame was lost just after 2 or 3 sets of starts. at least today, i could row properly with strength, good length, and good frame for the tyre sets. but too bad, i was rowing with the year 1s, and their pacing not that fast. so at least i am in sync with them.

the funny part was the canoeing section. we did a switch-over after a hour of rowing.at the instant when i got into the canoe (t1) and went a bit backwards, some one hit me and caused me to capsize. damn it, it was my first time cap-ing in a t1. luckily, my sunglasses stayed on. ha. otherwise, i'll cry typing this post. anyway, got back into training with the t1, then row row row. haha. nothing much la. except for the aching of my shoulders. still hurts now.our NY boats went, made up for majority of year1s, girls and guys, with a speck of year 2 guys, for a friendly race with the NYP year 2s, with some new year1s newbies. i would say our team did well. they managed to beat NYP guys by a small margin. but hey, remember, we got girls, they don't. so congrats to the boat! welldone. i was hoping i could row in that boat too. but i'd figured i wasn't good enough yet. not fit enough. ha. then i cap-ed agian. damn it. just turned my head to row back to keep the t1, when i suddenly lost my balance and cap-ed. argh. had to wait for erjie, lester, dicky to rescue me. thanks guys! yeah lor. basically, that's my sunday training. short and intensive. ha. can't wait for the week to begin. training will be 2 times a day for me. haha. I WILL BE FIT ENOUGH TO ROW AGAIN!

going for a run now. 30 mintues again. hope my legs can take the pain.

6th may.

today is polling day for singapore.

whether the ruling party will win by how much, no one would know. They might lose a few seats, looking at how singpaporeans react in the more active areas. i was taking a cab down to kallang fro my training this morning, and the cabbie uncle was goin on how we shouldn't vote for the ruling party, and how the Lee s were bad people, oppressing the normal citizens, taking money out of the people's pocket and giving 6 billion dollars to hsien yang, hsien loong's brother. its kind of funny that singaporeans tend to being left rather than right. changes, inequality, singaporeans on the whole, do not really like. i guess that means singpapore is still very much a conservative country, where we do things without thinking out of the box, or being quite parochial. i'm not saying i do not belong to this kind of people, but i do know that i TRY to think about some of the issues, policies raised by the ruling party and those of the opposition. seriously, through the eyes of the singpaore media, straits times and channel asia and all, i guess the ruling party still, is much better in the opposition in being far-sighted, and acting for change. for the better? i don't know. as it will depends on the citizens on how they will react to the policies. but the ruling party had better give more progress packages to the people, and stop running budget surpluses for long periods. government runs a budget deficit once in a few years, increase the aggregate expenditure function through increase in government expenditure. national income of singaporeans will increase through the multiplier process(even though our multiplier constant is so small) then our aggregate demand will increase, leading to an increase in real income. more money for us to spend, then the acceleration process will take place. its economics at the most basic level of understanding. i'm not that educated enough in economics to say in detail, but the jizz of it is there la. thanks.

anyway, training : raining in the morning, first part of training was done in the rain. ha. i know i shouldn't be in the rain, but there's no choice, i had to cox for them. it was my first time coxing a 24 men boat, and it was difficult. i tried to row with the year 2s for the starts, as it seemed so enticing to whack. but i disappointed myself, i couldn't row as good as before. the 30 starts, i could only hit to 20 strokes before i died down. the race sets was much worse, because my maintenance strokes became shorter and shorter, and i knew it. but i could not lengthen my stroke, i'm not good enough. i felt damn sad. really. it was really quite painful to know that i couldn't help my boat go faster, instead drag it down. i want to train hard, so i can catch up and improve, but the present state of me is still bad. hai. but i'll try my best.

today my first day taking nitix CEM3. felt not much of a difference, but i hope it will turn out good. its supposed to appear after a week of taking. so, i'm hoping. hope.

well, she smsed me today. telling me something that i should do. not directly. but i think i know what she means. but tis just that, i think i'm not good enough. most of the time guys will feel this way? ha. i think so ba. but honestly, i do like her. i will buck up. haha. i'll try. =)

a well-waited wait.

cool guys.
weird guys.
its been a while since i went for a run. i remember the last time i did runs, were 2 weeks ago, on the 20th of april. that was when i did the sprints, and fell ill on the same day. haha. time really zooms past you when you'r sick, losing out on so much training times and all the strength, stamina, aerobic and anaerobic fitness. *sigh.

went to to run at 8 15pm today. supposed to be in NYjc LT4 watching "five foot way" with her and her friend. but i choose not to. *refer to previous post. anyway. the run started out with a slight stitch on my left, but it subsided quickly. must be the dinner. haha. i ran, ran, and ran. for 30 minutes. from my place, to hougang secondary and back. just nice 30 mintues. the sweat felt good. but after the run, my lungs started to feel weird. it still does now when i typing out this post. i guess its the cough. damn it.

tml i'm going to row with my team. i hope it won't be disappointing. i want to pull water well enough to make myself happy, and can make the boat go faster. also, i'm going to start my NITIRX CEM3 supplement. haha. i can't wait to take. as in, i can't wait for the effects to take place. so i can get better, and stronger.

anyway. i have to sleep now. need at least 7 hours of rest.

just some class picts.

ha. laugh at them.

4 may. no NO-XPLODE for me.

oh man. nutrifirst just emailed me that they ran out of NO-XPLODE packets since jan. hmmm. i thought they still gave me when i ordered CELLMASS in feb. oh well. looks like i have to do without NO-XPLODE. i hope the NITRIX CM3 will be good.

anyway. i just went to see the doctor. a chinese style one. now that my coughing situation is stagnant, i hope that the new medcine could do some better job. going to start my training tml. i hope. probably just a 30 minute run to gauge my aerobic fitness level. if its bad, then i know how much work i need to work. if its good relatively, then i know i can improve even faster.

i asked her to go drama night. but too bad, she's already been asked. by her female buddy! haha. so even if i went with them, the situation would be awkward. yup. ha. too bad for me. maybe i will ask her out some other time. haha.

its been a while.

well. i don't really know why am i doing this out of no where. i just had this urge to write down what i have been going through this days.


i have been sick for the past two weeks. i really don't know why it happen. must have been the inadequate sleep, leading to my immunity going down. i had to keep myself awake till 12, all to wish someone a "happy birthday". i headed back to sleep, which lasted less than 6 hours.

i then had training in the morning. Sprints and everything.. i think it was the beginning. my body could have not been able to take the damage to the muscle tissues. i made matters worse by chionging the gym later in the afternoon.
but hey, u can't blame me for that. it was my usual routine. the NO-Xplode might have contributed to the sore throat and cough. but i didn't care.

now i suffer. i really feel terrible not training with my team mates. i feel all the hard work for the previous 2 weeks wasted. i lost it. the muscles have shrinked. i feel small. weak. i really someone to cheer me up sometimes. and it shouldn't just anyone. normal people have no effect on me.

tonight, when mr lee asked us to explain publicly to the team why i haven't been going training. i was upset. i was upset with myself. how could i become sick. why why why. i almost broke down. though my facial expressions were doing the opposite as what my soul was telling me. its time i stopped being so protective of myself. i will start my intensive training on saturday. whether the cough still lingers in me or not (of course, it will be better if its a not).

want to know how i'm going to train in a week. this is how.

saturday: rowing in the morning. 30minute run at 8.30pm.
sunday: rowing the morning. 30 minute run at 8.30pm.
monday: 1 hour break during school for Strength training (1215-1315). Afternoon PE: Strength training.
tuesday: 1hour break: chin-ups. Land training in the afternoon.
wednesday: Rowing session.
Thursday: Morning PE: strength training. Afternoon: strength training.
Friday: 10km run after school. sets of 50 push-ups in the evening.


the cycle repeats itself. yup. so how i'm going to recover from all these trainings? haha. that's what my CELL-MASS(creatine formulae) is for. i will get another supplement called NITRIX. from BSN too. haha. i told myself not to get BSN products after the first horrible serving of CELLMASS. but too bad. NITRIX is looks good. it offers me what i'm looking for. also, thinking of getting additional packets of NO-XPLODE. for that creatine surge just before training. the only bad hing is have to eat those on empty stomach. which means i need to plan my intake of meals too. that's quite troublesome. maybe i should just think of when to eat on the day itself. i think i'm doing something that most people think will be mad. but its all for myself and the team. i really hope i can recover and do my best soon. also, need to score for my napfa too. taking it another 2 more weeks down the road. whihc means only 1 week to get back to shape. i hope its enough.

anyway. i writing these words down, helped me straightened out some thoughts that keep appearing randomly. so i managed to sort out the mess in my head.

studies?? ha. i will keep it secondary this MYE. cause of the training and compeition in june. too close to MYE. i choose DB. sorry studies. prelims come, you will be my babies. i figure i'm going to do badly for my MYE la. too bad, so sad.


by the way, i haven't blogged since last year. so this site is extremely dusty. i do not even think people will read it. only by chance. yepp. thats how i want my life to proceed now. with or without. that girl. haha. i think she already knows it anyway. i'm not afraid to admit it. here comes her sms. i think. hope its her anyway.

it back to studying EMI for tml's physics' lecture test. going to be do badly already. (hoping my cough recover miraclously too. hope.)

i don't know when i'm going to post again. but by the next time i do, be ready for some more crap post about exercising, dragonboating or supplements. ha. that's me. =)